In which world are you, my friend?

Going back to the old system, when the daughters, before attaining puberty were wedded to widowers or men who were old enough to be their father or grandfather? ; where the wife was only an obedient servant to perform the house- hold duties right from sunrise to late night and sleep in a corner, deprived of minimum privacy to take solace on the chest of her husband, when she needed him most?

Read my Athai's story :

" Perias, there is no meaning in discussing about the past; How to move from here ? Talk about that. You know, I became a widow at the age of 16 after living in my husband's house hardly for 3 months." She diverted the topic casually.

" What?"

"yes.And do you think I would have lived up to 80, if I had not bundled and thrown my past in the kalpathy river,long ago? Memories of past do cloud my heart occasionally and at that time I take refuge in the lotus feet of my 'Bootha,Bhavya, Bavatprabhu. the Lord of past, present and future."

" Sorry, athai! I am not aware of this. Really shocking ! God's ways--"

"God has no roll in this and therefore don't blame him." Athai was categorical in her statement "Stupidity and ignorance killed my husband and several others in our group and is continuing to do so even now, though in lesser numbers.

There was an epidemic in Palakkad and the health authorities stopped every vehicle on the roads and entered every house and gave vaccination. When the health inspector entered our house, my husband escaped through the back-door to avoid the prick of the needle as someone had told him that the substance injected was a serum from cow's blood! He died after a month, because of the same epidemic; the maruthani stains on my palm and feet, applied for the wedding, had not fully vanished, when I touched darbhai( holy grass used for the rituals) for my husband's final rites.. Unable to bear the shock, his parents died after a month. So, my dear child! your athai has passed through worst periods in life.

"You know how my mother died ? After returning from the school, we children were to remove the school dress and keep in a corner of the front room and then only enter the house. Ankichi, who was 5 year old then, without removing the dress went inside and embraced mother, excited in seeing her after a gap of 4-5 hours. Shocked by this act, mother rushed to the temple tank and dipped herself in the ice-cold water to remove the sin of untouchability. She was already suffering from sever cold and fever .Her body temperature shot up and she died of pneumonia within a week, leaving behind six of us, the smallest was Kalyani, 2 years old. I brought up all the five children including Seshu.

Superstition killed my mother". Athai's eyes were moist.


"All these experiences made me tough and fit to face any calamity. Calamities come in waves,in my life. When it became a routine affair, I started waiting for them and like a big animal waiting for it's prey, pounce on them and tear them into pieces, when they appear. I fight to the last and If they overtake me after all my efforts fail and the situation goes completely out of my control, I simply leave the war field and leave everything to Gopal.

'Sakala karmarppanam Bhavatu Karomi jnan-" I am dedicating all my actions to You. Athai sang.

I completed the second line,

"Samsthamaparadam kshamaswa Jagalpathe!' Oh, Lord, pardon me for all my faults.

We laughed together and athai continued " So, I will handle Seshu but I need your help because I don't know much about the western way of living."

"Athai, I am now convinced that you can handle any difficult situation; but, if you don't mind, let me ask you one personal question. Why didn't you think of remarrying?"

" Widow marriages were not common those days. Moreover, My husband had 3 brothers all younger to him. Having lost the parents and the eldest brother, these kids would have become orphans, had I left them to their fate. So, I took the responsibility of bringing them up as well as my brothers and sisters and subsequently their off springs too. 17 children, in all, have been brought up by me.

Tell me now, Perias, did I make a mistake in not re-marrying? "

(from my story, "Pitchumani and his non-vadamal wife")


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The old system had created several 'athais' and 'mamies'- 'But their life was praise worthy' you may say. It was, I agree. But they did not have a life of their own. Their life was nothing but fire wood in the kitchen which burned into ashes, for producing 'payasams' and 'paruppu vadais' for others to enjoy.

Some of my friends in the group have already started listing the virtues and values of the life of house wives in the old system and how happy there life was.I am not unaware of that and in fact I have myself seen several satisfied women in my own family and around me.

And "LIMITING THE EDUCATION?' In which world are you, my friend?

Attempting to arrest the advance of a whirlwind?

Let us keep our eyes and ears wide open and think of ways to reap the best out of the present situation instead of turning our head back and try to escape.

Now our children are enjoying their own life .Let them, Be happy my friend.

An about your second query: "Educate our boys to acquire skills to match themselves with other community boys."

Please do, if your children will obey you. My chidren do not and they have found their own ways to get educated and I have no regrets.

Love and regards,

Siva,

Hyderabd

July 21, 2009